• cabin poem


    this is where I fell in love

    or started falling


    I am lying in a bed with a friend in a cabin

    with ten other people in other beds in a cabin


    you: suddenly in bed beside me

    now three in a bed in a cabin

    with nine other people in other beds in a cabin


    do you want me?


    do I want you?



    I am closer to you now than I was

    I am terrified

    my foot accidentally closer to yours



    this is a moment: hovering

    before we fall

    or just a night, passing

    a risk: in my chest I have a hole

    I am terrified


    sleepless, surrounded by resting bodies, curious

    you laugh

    will I roll over

    will I roll over

    will I roll over 

    will I roll over

    will I roll over 

    will I roll over

    will I roll over

    will I roll over


    eyes clenched wide

    shut: pretend sleep

    heavy slow breath


    I roll over

    do you want to try that again


    and I lay my hand flat: palm open, upwards

    and my chest is a cavern

    and fingers intertwined, feeling:

    I am scared and soft and disarmed

    I am held


    do I want you;


    want me?


    how to be

    and be

    and be

    and be

    and be 

    and be 

    and be

    and become

    and being

    without losing yourself

    to love

    first, you

    then, life

    then, the world and others


    to begin,




    a cabin, somewhere

    an ocean, here


    A statement becomes a question/was always a question: would you want to try that again? 

    To hold/to be held: each day, a choice. To wake every morning, facing the terrifying, beautiful mess of living, and pronounce, “I choose to live fully, openly, honestly today, to howl today. I choose to fall in love 10,000 times today. I choose to keep my chest open, my wounds oozing, to stay soft, tender, gooey today. I choose to look into the pink haze kissing the horizon and collapse in awe, in joy, in a mess today. I choose to ramble, to laugh, to show up today. I choose to stay present today, to feel all my feelings today, to not drown them, bury them, hide them, deny them, minimize them, resent them, starve them, stuff them, not today. I choose to hold them today, to sit with them and honor them, sorrow, pain, joy, love, fear, loneliness, excitement, happiness, happiness, happiness, all of them contained in my single small fleshy shell today. I choose to breathe in the potential of my best self, my Becoming, in the air held in my body today. I choose compassion today. I choose to love today.” Today, every day, a choice: to lay my hand flat: palm open, upwards, to the sky.


    Let it go.


    you glorious humam butterfly